I just made out with a guy for $7.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
