Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
