take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
