Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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