Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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