where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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