(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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