fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
