Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
