that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
