can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry about my life...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
