I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
