Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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