Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
