I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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