I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
