The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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