Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
