Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
