If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sick fucks of a feather flock together
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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