it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
