I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
