I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
