watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
