my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
