All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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