Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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