I wanna bring you to show and tell
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
