Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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