When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
