im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
