There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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