When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
