Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
