I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
