My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
