wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
