if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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