tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
BRING THE BAGELS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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