who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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