He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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