Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
