I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
