What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
