she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
