those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
