I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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