She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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