I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
