If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
