I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
