i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
