How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
