I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
